Holistic Survival
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The future of crime in an idiocracy.

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Luckily for us, the future of crime will very likely resemble the past of crime. What this means is that, most of the time, common criminals are so dumb it’s gotta hurt. The following is what happens when you combine a penchant for burglary and an addiction to Facebook.

The victim returned home one day to discover overt signs that someone had broken into her house, rifled a few cabinets, and took two expensive diamond rings. So far, so good. We appear to have a freakin’ John Dillinger on our hands. The baddest of the bad. Too wily for any lawman to nab.

But wait a second.

When sheriff deputies arrived to survey the crime scene, oops, they found that the master-criminal had stopped to log onto his Facebook account on the victim’s computer while he was there, and forgot to log off.

Doh!

The result was sort of anti-climactic. Busted! And we would be remiss to leave this topic without revealing the identity of Jonathan G. Parker of Fort Loudoun, PA. Stand up and take a bow, Jonathan. You’ve earned it. You, my friend, are truly an idiot. You’d think a person could complete a simple burglary without jonesing so bad for a fix that he has to log onto Facebook from the crime scene!

Worried about the future of crime? No need to yet.

The Holistic Survival Team

Flickr / Franco Bouly