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Best Conspiracy Theories (Volume 1)

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What better way to pass a little time on a deadly dull Wednesday afternoon than to put on our tin foil hats and ponder a few good conspiracy theories? At Holistic Survival, we pride ourselves on sticking to the nuts and bolts of how to realistically survive the aftermath of a variety of ways society really could crash and burn, rather than obsessing on the translucent possibilities of things already gone by. Still, what is life without a few good obsessions?

JFK Assassination
Most of us will at least concede that President John F. Kennedy is actually dead and not hiding out in South America with Elvis, binging on peanut butter and banana sandwiches and stewardesses. But beyond that, when discussing the matter of who killed him, is when can of worms hits the fan. Was it a Cuban hit team sent by an angry Fidel Castro grown tired of having his cigars spiked with CIA explosives? Mafioso outraged at Attorney General Robert Kennedy’s tenacious legal pursuit? Was it anti-Castro forces, the KGB, FBI, Vice-President, Lyndon Johnson, Israelis commandos, the Federal Reserve, ore even Lee Harvey Oswald acting all by his lonesome? Could it perhaps have been an unlikely alliance of all the above? Maybe Colonel Mustard in the parlor with a chainsaw?

What is certain in that the 35th president of the United States was killed in Dallas, felled by gunmen or a gunmen of obscure identity. While the Warren Commission concluded that Oswald was a misfit acting alone, perhaps millions of people around the world believe otherwise and that the truth was covered up by a massive government conspiracy. For a fictional/factual take on the events surrounding the assassination, check out Oliver Stone’s movie JFK, starring Kevin Costner, playing New Orleans district attorney, Jim Garrison, who brought the only official charges in the case to court. Garrison alleged New Orleans businessman, Clay Shaw, was involved in a conspiracy to kill the president, but Shaw was ultimately found innocent.

President Kennedy’s death remains a popular conspiracy theory even nearly half a century after it happened. Stone’s 1991 release of JFK was intended to provide a counter-myth to the official myth of the Warren Commission report. What it did was stir up another round of howling conspiracies reacting to the director’s everything-including-the-kitchen-sink plot that did eventually throw in ALL the possibilities described above, except for Colonel Mustard. What we can say with absolute certainly is that, like all good conspiracies, the smoking gun has yet to be found, which keeps the whole thing smoldering over the decades. Until we finally invent that time machine H.G. Wells was so fond of, chances are we will never know the truth – except for those who are convinced they already do.

Apollo Moon Landing
According to Wikipedia, a number that varies from 6% to 28% of the American Public believe that NASA and the United States government combined forces to fake the six manned moon landings of the Apollo program, which ran from 1969 to 1975. Original allegations of this dastardly deed surfaced in the wake of the release of Bill Kaysing’s self-published book: We Never Went to the Moon: America’s Thirty Billion Dollar Swindle. Soon the Flat Earth Society jumped on the bandwagon and claimed all the moon landings were a result of fakery concocted by NASA and the government, and carried out by an A-List team of screenwriter, Arthur C. Clarke, director, Stanley Kubrick, and various Hollywood studios.

A movie was actually sort of made about the scenario. It was called Capricorn One and detailed an alleged Mars mission that was actually a hoax and filmed out in the desert somewhere. Movie buffs might recall that this mostly forgettable bit of celluloid starred everyone’s favorite pro football Hall-of-Famer turned alleged murderer turned robber and felon, O.J. Simpson. In case you were wondering, the film had actual actors in it also – Elliott Gould and James Brolin.

The big question is why would NASA bother to fake moon landings? What was to be gained by it? The primary answer promulgated by Kaysing is that the space agency was so afraid of the humiliation of failure that they decided a better use of the $30 billion appropriated for the effort would be to pay off the hundreds and thousands of people necessary to keep the secret all these years. And if there’s one thing humanity is known for it’s our ability to keep our mouths shut – not. Conspiracy theorists go further to claim that the government approved of the idea since it provided a nice distraction from the ongoing political humiliation of the Vietnam War.

While Mr. Kaysing, a former employee of Rocketdyne, the company that manufactured the F-1 engines that powered Apollo’s Saturn V rockets, might initially have appeared to have at least a glimmer of credibility, he was, in reality, a librarian and not qualified to make judgments over whether or not the technology was actually inadequate to land men on the moon. Each thrust of the “fake moon landing” contingent has been parried with fact and proof to the contrary. Despite all this, filmmaker, Bart Sibrel, earned himself a nice punch in the face from astronaut, Buzz Aldrin, after accusing the man of being a coward, liar, and thief. As they say, all’s well that ends well but this conspiracy won’t being going away any time soon.

New World Order
Adherents to the New World Order conspiracy theory are convinced that a collective group of military leaders, politicians, and financiers around the globe are determined (or already have) created a one-world government that will abolish national borders, currencies, and ultimately enslave us all. Believers like to cast blame for this end game on various groups – the Illuminati, Freemasons, Elders of Zion, and alien invaders.

Of course, the New World Order views itself as the natural progression of history and has all sorts of nefarious ideas in place once they are fully in control, mostly related to a completely planned single state and economy which would manipulate population growth and certain ethnic groups through eugenics. Holistic Survival is not naive enough to claim that no one on earth would like to “accomplish” these things. Our problem with the concept of a New World Order lies in the ability of humans to ever organize themselves enough to actually carry it out. Adolf Hitler made a valiant effort but fell just short.

It seems more clear to us that the human tendency towards entropy keeps us ever falling away from a one world government and closer to anarchy instead. The harder those who wish to control others close their grasp, the more people slip through their fingers – wait a minute. Did we just accidentally paraphrase Princess Leia accusing Darth Vader of megalomaniacal tendencies? It seems we did. Sorry about that. The New World Order brigade is an excuse for humanity to feel sorry for itself and blame others for unfulfilled lives’ gone astray. We suggest you try personal responsibility rather than conspiracy theories. Works better every time.

Had enough conspiracy theories for one day? Don’t worry. Since this article is titled “Volume 1” you can bet we’ll be back with more. Some day. Not tomorrow though. In the meantime, keep doing your best to protect the people, places, and profits you care about.

The Holistic Survival Team





Flickr / uberculture


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