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Unfu*k Yourself, Get Out of Your Head and Into Your Life by Gary John Bishop

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Gary John Bishop

In this episode of the Holistic Survival podcast, Jason Hartman talks to Gary John Bishop, author of the book Unfu*k Yourself, Get Out of Your Head and Into Your Life, to share bits of philosophies that he goes by. He also talks about telling yourself the truth, forgiving someone or something, and significant changes that are available to everyone.

Announcer 0:01
The show is produced by the Hartman media company. For more information and links to all our great podcasts, visit Hartman media.com.

Announcer 0:11
Welcome to the holistic survival show with Jason Hartman. The economic storm brewing around the world is set to spill into all aspects of our lives. Are you prepared? Where are you going to turn for the critical life skills necessary to survive and prosper? The holistic survival show is your family’s insurance for a better life. Jason will teach you to think independently to understand threats and how to create the ultimate action plan. sudden change or worst case scenario, you’ll be ready. Welcome to ballistic survival, your key resource for protecting the people, places and profits you care about in uncertain times. Ladies and gentlemen, your host, Jason Hartman.

Jason Hartman 0:59
Welcome to the show. This is Jason Hartman, your host and every 10th episode, we do something kind of special kind of different. What we do is we go off topic, so regardless of which show it is on the Hartman media network, whether it be one of the financial shows economics, real estate investing, a travel, longevity, all of the other topics that we have every 10th episode, we go off topic, and we explore something of general interest, something of general life success value. And so many of our listeners around the world in 164 countries have absolutely loved our 10th episode shows. So that’s what we’re going to do today. And let’s go ahead and get to our guest with a special 10th episode show. And of course, on the next episode, we’ll be back to our regular programming. Here we go. Hey, it’s my pleasure to welcome Gary john bishop to the show. You’ve heard his name, he has sold so many books, and they are really unbelievable. He’s the New York Times best selling author of an F yourself, get out of your head and into your life. Several other books, stop doing that. s h, you find that people always get stuck introducing you with these titles, right? And, and do the work and a bunch of others. He’s got a new one that’s just an audio only book. And we’re gonna dive into his very unique and innovative philosophy of life. So I’m looking forward to it. Gary, welcome. How are you? I’m great. Thanks for having me on your show. It’s good to have you and you’re coming to us from Orlando area. Is that correct?

Gary John Bishop 2:39
Correct. Right here in sunny Central Florida belt.

Jason Hartman 2:42
Not too far from me in Palm Beach for good stuff? Well, you know, you have sold so many books, I mean, give us the latest tally on your numbers, and congratulations on your success as an author.

Gary John Bishop 2:53
Well, on the first book, it’s over 2 million copies now. And that book is very, it’s definitely unique. From my publishers perspective. HarperCollins am I’m the only author ever to have breached a million audio books. So that was a kind of a big deal. And the books, I guess it is surprising to me, they continue to sell,

Jason Hartman 3:16
like consistently every week, like the numbers really don’t go down. It’s it’s like a steady stream of people doing this kind of work on themselves. That’s fantastic. That’s fantastic. Well, in your most popular book, The unef yourself book, you start off chapter one, asking the question, you know, have you ever felt like a hamster on the wheel on a wheel furiously churning your way through life, and somehow going nowhere, I think we’ve all felt that way at one time or another. So maybe that’s a good place to start.

Gary John Bishop 3:47
Yeah, there’s a lot to be said for, you know, because I think in the day to day loving of Allah use, we have general thoughts about how we’re doing and how life still went and how you know, overall, how I’m feeling. But it’s sometimes very challenging to tell yourself the truth about how you really feel about something or, or maybe what the impact of something really is on you. And that’s a lot of what I wanted people to deal with in this book like this opportunity for you to really tell one on yourself right to put together put aside that they can show lack, if you like, and start and reveal some of your innermost struggles ahead now reveal to oneself or to others or both. Well, I definitely naturally wants to sell my most people think the odd honest with themselves, you know, it’s of all the people I’ve ever met. When I first start talking to them, most of them would say I do tell myself the truth. But once you started digging away at it, you’ll see how a lot there’s a lot of things in your life you’re still convincing yourself about and you have to do it repeatedly. You have to keep convincing yourself about it. And you have to keep reminding yourself that you Do you have to keep reminding yourself that you don’t care? And a big part of my work is finally telling the truth to yourself, which is the best place to start.

Jason Hartman 5:09
Right? Well, that’s I think that goes back to maybe the unexamined life not worth living concept, right? Because we’ve got to first be honest with ourselves. That’s true. So you know, in the do the workbook, you really reveal specific steps that one can follow, to doing the inner work on one’s life. And we all have to do that at some stage or another, I’d say maybe most people do that kind of in their 20s, maybe their early 20s, when they’re sort of finding themselves if you will, but then again, whenever a crisis comes up, maybe maybe it’s just a general midlife crisis, or, you know, marriage, divorce, whatever, things like that death in the family, or getting fired, it’ll cause us to examine, right? These are things that are an impetus to that. But do you have some specific steps that you offer to an effing oneself? Yeah,

Gary John Bishop 6:01
a great place to begin is to connect. And again, it all has to start with some kind of truth, which a lot of people ignored or, or resist, because it seems like it’s not a positive thing, right? Seems like oh, this is too negative for me. So let me focus over here were things and keep things on the sunny side. But I say to people, very simply look at an area life he feels if you’re tolerating something, either yourself something about yourself some circumstance, some relationship and look at where am I currently just explaining or become, okay, you, Wes. And that’s when you start to kind of zero in on something you’ll and what you will see as a human being as your tremendous capacity for tolerating for putting up with and then overcoming. Overcoming on the surface might seem fine, but in fact, it’s really just this constant stream of trying to make something okay, that fundamentally you’re not okay, what? So I like to ask people to kind of questions where if you told the truth to yourself, for instance, about, let’s say, your procrastination raise somebody procrastinating? What’s it really like for you when you when you know yourself as a procrastinator, right? What’s it really like? What’s been the impact on you and your life? Or you and your career, you and your finances? And how do you explain that to yourself? And how do you explain it to other people. And you’ll see that in the areas of your life that don’t work as well as you would want them to, you’re actually putting a lot of work until making that palatable for yourself, right. And so that’s a big part of that are feeling like that, you start to see what you’ve burden yourself with,

Jason Hartman 7:43
like you said, we as humans have an amazing capacity to sort of rationalize justify. But, you know, the question is, maybe is that all bad? It seems bad in this in the context of this conversation. But, you know, maybe that’s a survival mechanism, right? That’s just built in to all of us. So we can really kind of get by at some level, we do have to accept things like the Yeah, the prayer of St. Francis, right, you know, change the things I can accept the things I can’t change, right. So we’re gonna draw the line on that, I guess?

Gary John Bishop 8:16
Well, since Francis and I might have different points of view. But

Gary John Bishop 8:21
with all the respect in the world to St. Francis, my view is, you’re way more encumbered by what you think, than anybody else. So you’re way more burdened by your own limitations, people live with a complete illusion they’re interacting with life, you’re not interacting with like, you’re constantly interacting with your own do with it, in all interacting with how it is you’re interacting with, have you thinking that’s right, that’s a veil that you never really quite get in touch with life until you started, you can step back a bit and see the matrix of your own thoughts and the matrix of your own emotions, and the matrix of your own automatics. And you don’t have to reveal all of that one go. By the way, you can reveal a little better that that would sometimes shock you to your core, when you see how you’ve kind of funneled yourself away from your own satisfaction, funneled yourself away from your own fulfillment, in favor of some subconscious belief or some subconscious idea. So there’s nothing wrong with being able to overcome overcome, it’s fine. But I think it’s full, fully proper to look at your life in terms of on my realising on my existence, or am I shelving parts of myself, and favorite of some explanation?

Jason Hartman 9:41
Gary, do you want to share any examples of these things, you know, maybe from some of your readers that they’ve shared with you, you just did an audio book on this. And, you know, maybe there are some specific examples. I just thought I’d open up that door for you. If they make sense at this point, or, or maybe later and some of the other steps.

Gary John Bishop 9:59
Yeah, I mean, One of the things that people often struggle with is this notion of for governments out there forgive somebody, most people, just if you have a fairly positive attitude, you’ll just say, Well, you know, I’ll just let that go. The problem is, you have no capacity for letting go, you only have a capacity for overcoming, you know, capacity for us to just release yourself from something. How do you know that? Because the things that you haven’t let go of you get reminded of them every now and again, then you tell yourself, you’re okay with it. And then you let it go. So there’s things like they keep coming up in your mind, you get reminded and little hooked a little triggered. So people are often asked me like, how do I forgive someone or something, which is we were never taught how to forgive, we are taught we should, we shouldn’t forgive another human being. But there are other steps to what Yes, there are stamps different governance. And mostly, what we’re left with is some kind of morality based forgiveness, which ends up being I’m better than you. So I’ll forgive you. Right, right, which is outtie. And so I don’t do morality that way. So if you look at forgiveness, in terms of, what do I get to justify about myself, or my life by not forgiving? Hmm, now you’re getting closer to something right now, like I get to say about myself, by not forgiving you what I get to hold on until

Jason Hartman 11:24
you get to be right in

Gary John Bishop 11:26
there. Yeah. So eventually, I get to be right about something. And that is another thing that human beings just love. They just love being right, right? Even though they say no, this isn’t about being right. But but but the funny thing is, and I found this in my own experience, and of course in culture, monster people, it’s amazing. The things that will just trash in favor of being right. Mm. Yeah. Will like have a marriage, or like have a business or an opportunity. Because I’m right. Which, again, I understand, right? And those people are sometimes like, well, I am right, I know. But at what cost? Like I’m right, but at what cost us peace of mind. So forgiveness for me begins with SR own kind of self righteousness, and how you use your, how you use your current situation, to justify you. But I think a really important part is, and this is something you’ve got to do a little bit of mental acrobatics for this. You got to see yourself and other people, you got a fight, you got to see that logic. It’s not your logic. It’s not how you do it. But when you see somebody logic, they make sense to you. Mm hmm. And when somebody makes sense to me, I got a lot of compassion for them, because I realize they don’t have a whole lot of choice with that thing. Choose that thing, what it does. So I’m always at great pains to I’m like a serial forgiver. And I’m a CTO forever, because I don’t like who I am when I’m not when I don’t forget.

Jason Hartman 13:00
I don’t like the minor because here’s maybe the $64,000 question should always forgive? Or are there times when forgiveness actually doesn’t make sense. When I interviewed Dr. Laura Sunday, I’m gonna ask her that question.

Gary John Bishop 13:17
No, I’m sitting ready. Yeah, you should always forgive for the sake of forgiveness. Right, so much. Part of the reason I think why we struggle with forgiveness, too, by the way is we feel as if it means something to the other person, like somehow it gets them off the hook or

Jason Hartman 13:36
whatever they remain maybe distinction between forgiveness and accountability,

Gary John Bishop 13:41
right? I’m okay, we forgiving you. You’ve got to levy our own choices, I’ll forgive you because I want to disconnect myself from resentment. I wasn’t willing to torture myself, because of what you did. I’ll forgive you, you might never play another role in my life. You and I might never connect again. But I want you to know, I’ve forgiven you, you got to go sort that out for yourself. Whatever you did or didn’t do that’s on you. But I am a CDO governed I forget every time again, because I just don’t like what the lack of forgiveness of the brother the presence of resentment does to me. I don’t I don’t like being a resentful man. It’s a horrible place to be. And I’d much rather free myself from that to get on with whatever’s next in my life and to get myself fully to the people that in my life.

Jason Hartman 14:31
Did I get that? Yeah, no, the forgiveness is really for yourself. In other words, right. That’s, that’s like an internal exercise. Right. So what do you do in the external world?

Gary John Bishop 14:44
Yeah, you declared your forgiveness. Like, if I forgive you, I’m gonna tell you, uh huh. I’ll say I’ll forgive you. However, this relationship is over something that might be something like that. Okay. Well, when I’m no longer it could have worked in this friendship.

Jason Hartman 14:59
But is it Halo I forgive you for you know, sneaking out on the debt you owe me but you start to pay me back. Or I can totally

Gary John Bishop 15:06
do that, by the way. And that’s another great thing. Because my, my you forgive you, it doesn’t mean to say your No, you know, like, for instance, if it’s if you owe me money suddenly that you don’t owe me that money. No, I forgive you for the way you’ve paid me back and you’re still on the hook for that. Yeah, you know, I’m not gonna make it mean in the book. I’m not gonna hold on to that you’re this kind of person, that kind of person. But the reality is, I forgive you. And give me my cash.

Jason Hartman 15:31
Yeah, right. Right. Right. I like that. Because Because I think a lot of people confuse that. they confuse it with, you know, walking away when we come into like the biblical reference of turning the other cheek. Where does that come into play with forgiveness in this discussion?

Gary John Bishop 15:49
Well, I mean, I’ll quote Sartre, the French existentialist and he said, life is empty and meaningless, right. So it doesn’t mean anything. So I don’t if you’ve done something that I feel as if you shouldn’t have done, I’m not going to indulge that emotional, kind of sense of whatever loss hurt dimension. And I’m not going to indulge that. I’m really just gonna look at, you know, like, what you who you and I are, and what you and I had, for instance, in your case, if you say what somebody who owes me money, that’s what this is about. I’m not going to make this mean something to me, or I’m too weak with people. I’m not great with people or people are always trying to abuse me or take advantage of me. None of that. I’m just going to say, Okay, look, I forgive you for what have you done. And you do owe me that money. The only way out of that, by the way. And I’ve actually had this as an experience. I’ve had somebody owe me money for a long period of time. No use money as an example, I guess. But I’ve had people owe me money for a long period of time. And in a couple of cases, actually turned to them and said, I’m so I want, I forgive you for not paying me back. And I’m not gonna gift you that money. I’m no longer willing in love with a single like an open wound and my wife. Okay, so I’m going to gift it to you. Of course, you can rely on that I would never give you money again. Right, but, but I’m gifting it to you. And I want you to know that I’m fully guesting it to you is not a favor. I don’t want answer in return. Why do I do such a thing? Why have I done that my life because it’s important to me that I closed that thing. I don’t want to leave that open. there between me and life are between me and people? Oh, yeah. And then you can’t do that. Because people owe you money or people cheat you. I’ll close the loop. Now, what does that taught me? It’s taught me one. I’ll be very careful, whoever I’ll lend money to right. I’ll be careful about that and responsible about that. But whenever I do, if I have lent somebody money in the past, have been fully cognizant of the notion that I might not get this back. Right. So I no longer feel like it’s a surprise. It’s part of the game. If you’re right,

Jason Hartman 17:57
that’s a good, that’s a good way to look at it. I like that.

Gary John Bishop 17:59
But it’s part of the game is an unsavory part of the game. But as part of the game,

Jason Hartman 18:03
right, good stuff. We’ve talked a lot about forgiveness. Just wrap this up if there’s anything more on this, because there’s a lot more to your philosophy. And I just wanted to give you the opportunity, maybe share a couple more points. Before we wrap it up.

Gary John Bishop 18:16
Well, one of the things that really always jumps out at me as you know, people often leave themselves helpless often leaves when they have no more ideas or no more sense of how to change the light for change. What’s next for them. I think the big thing that I want people to get is that that significant change is available to you, right in every area of your life, by the way, with your emotional state, your moods, your body, your finances, your well being your friendships, your experience of love. All of those things are transformable, all of those things can be impacted. And even though it might seem impossible from where you’re sitting right now, I do want people to know that it’s available and it’s made me not as complicated nor take as long as one might think.

Jason Hartman 19:03
Okay, so don’t be the victim resources are available. They are you are available. You You can change any of these things anytime you want. You can

Gary John Bishop 19:13
and I’m not saying it’s always it’s always easy, but I’m telling you the pathway to significant change is an uncomplicated one, it might take your time, and it may take you some things you need to handle. But it’s all doable. And I’ve worked with people that have produced amazing results in the life with our finances, with a body with a love life for everything. And it’s available to all human beings. I know you might be despondent or downer, whatever, but it’s available for you.

Jason Hartman 19:41
That’s a pretty empowering thought. I mean, if people want to change how they think about themselves, or how they think about their their station in life. That’s the answer, isn’t it?

Gary John Bishop 19:53
It is it look we we don’t always enjoy our thoughts, you know, or opinions of ourselves. They often arise in moments of crisis, you know, when we’re most kind of dumped on ourselves. I’m not someone who says Be positive about that stuff. I’m someone who says, All right, well, let’s kind of get that on the table. What is that? Right? What is that really about? What is it though? And you don’t always get a say in your thoughts, you know, yes, random thoughts, they come up, they disappear. But a lot of the times it feels the same emotionally. I don’t always feel the you know, my best. Some people deal with anger, like a confidence, things like that. It’s amazing to me how people can often leave themselves to the experience that they’re stuck with. And I just want them to know, in your heart of hearts, you’re not it’s this is all doable, right?

Jason Hartman 20:39
So if you think to yourself, well, that’s just the way I am. Or that’s just the way it is. Those are just false statements, aren’t they?

Gary John Bishop 20:48
They are, it’s funny, you know, find this conversation with many people. People talk about self limiting beliefs, the problem of self limiting beliefs is you don’t know yours? Mm hmm. Because you believe them?

Jason Hartman 21:01
Right? Because you’re in it. That’s the context out of which you operate. Right? It’s this box. And you don’t know what’s outside of the box. Yeah.

Gary John Bishop 21:09
Right. You’re the fish in water. Fish has no sense of water, right? You have no sense of your beliefs. You just level you can see other people and part of our fields of good work that you do when yourself as revealing what you fundamentally believe revealing your own sacred cows, what keep what is possible as impossible. And it’s it people are more often than not completely shocked at the way they’ve boxed themselves in.

Jason Hartman 21:35
Yeah, they sure are. That’s Gary, that’s, that’s so good. It’s great. give out your website,

Gary John Bishop 21:42
you can reach me at Gary, john bishop.com. There’s courses on there, there’s obviously great ways to connect with me on Instagram and on Twitter. And also on Facebook, I got lots and lots of followers out there. And I like to make sure I’m giving them plenty of good stuff every day. So there’s always great little nuggets of insight and thinking for you to do excellent. How

Jason Hartman 22:04
did you become such a life life philosopher, and

Gary John Bishop 22:09
I guess it started with working on myself in my own life. And then the more I got into it, the more I realized I loved impacting other people’s lives. And I became a senior program director for a really, really big personal development company. And I did that for many years. And then yes, just be nest layering and layering and layering and layering and adding new information and thoughts and discussions. Such that I can give it away to people now.

Jason Hartman 22:36
Good stuff, any closing thought you want to share, quote, whatever.

Gary John Bishop 22:40
Yeah, I’m gonna I’ll give people one little thing that that your success in life is almost exclusively tied to the degree that you can keep a promise to yourself. Mm hmm.

Jason Hartman 22:51
Very good. Very good. Say it again.

Gary John Bishop 22:53
Your success in life is almost exclusively tied to the degree that you can keep a promise to yourself.

Jason Hartman 23:00
Excellent. Gary, john Bishop, thank you so much for joining us today. We really appreciate it.

Gary John Bishop 23:05
Wonderful. Thank you for having me.

Jason Hartman 23:12
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